衝動

"Laogong .. Think after u read this message .. I already letting u go .. Just wanted to let u know .. I really really love u so much . And I really happy when I with u .. Thx for this few months being wit mi no matter happy or sad .. U are my everything .. Is hurts letting u go .. But I think we are just two different world .. I just dun seem to suit your world .. No matter how hard I try .. I just hope u can find someone much more better . I just hope myself can live without u .. My heart really so hurt .. Laogong .. Wo ai ni .. And I really do .. No more other people in my heart le .. Is only u .. My mind and heart are just all about u .. I also dun know when I fall so deep in love wit u .. Just keep thinking about u every now and then .. Love when u touch my hair .. Hug mi tightly .. Everything I won't forget .. It will be inside my heart forever .. Max loo .. Queeny koh will love u forever .. 141009"

Remember the last time you sent me this pm on fb? I really thought we were done for. I thought I had lost my princess, my baby girl, my everything that I lived for. But in the end, we patched and everything was okay again. Isn't it funny how misunderstandings and disagreements over the most smallest and unimportant things can lead to such big disputes? Sigh. I really love you. You know that. Even your friends can see that. All I want is just to go that bit further and get your trust in me but it just won't happen. No matter what I do, you still have that nagging thought that I will leave you.
Clement said this to me "the more a person thinks, the more likely it would happen, so why not don't think about it. I don't believe a person can't control what he/she thinks." I agree with it. It's all in the mind. It depends on your willpower, which apparently is very weak. No matter. We have misunderstandings and quarrels just because of some small misunderstanding and you have to go post it on Facebook and announce it to the entire world. Why can't we settle our problems by ourselves? Why must announce to the entire world that we are unhappy? Do you see me posting long phrases of words in the past on my Facebook profile when I saw you doing things that killed me inside? And you want me to understand you without you telling me what you are feeling. I'm trying, seriously, but I can't always guess right what you are thinking inside. I'm not God. I don't possess telepathtic powers or the ability to read your mind with just one look.
You have a mouth. Use it. How many times must I tell you this? Just like last time, the customer insult you and you just stand there and don't say anything and let her scold. Then my dad misunderstood that you ask me stay out late and again you never say anything. Just speak up for yourself, or do you need me to teach you how? Same with us. You have anything you want to say, don't leave me in the dark and guess what you are thinking. Just tell me. I'm your boyfriend, I'm here to help you solve your problems. Don't always keep things to yourself. You only will end up hurting yourself and straining our relationship because it makes me feel you don't trust me enough as a boyfriend to tell me what you are thinking. Then we always end up quarrelling. I don't want to quarrel. I hate to quarrel with you. I'm sick and tired of getting into misunderstandings and hitting my fist against the wall or on anything that's near me. And for God's sake, love yourself and your body more. It's not an object for other guys to have pleasure with. Learn to say NO. They drop you messages, don't reply. They want to touch you, tell them you'll call me. Seriously. Even if you don't think about my feelings, think about your parents, and most importantly, your mum. She carried you in her for 10 months before painstakingly giving birth to you. How hurt do you think she will feel if she knows her daughter is doing all these stupid things outside? The first 2 I am kind enough to close one eye and forget about it, but if this ever happens again with them, I will fucking kill them. You know I mean what I say this time.
Don't come and flame me for what I said cos you know it's true. And just so you know, I wasn't busy sleeping last night. I wanted so much to talk to you, but just didn't know how to start for fear of making matters worse. Then I hoped you would message me. Be it you wanted you scold me, vent your anger on me, anything. But it didn't come. I just hugged your dog and cried. I left home early this morning.
Our blog song, I chose it for a reason, not just because it sounds nice, but because the lyrics are meaningful if you listen to it carefully. But althought the title of the song is  "衝動" which means impulse, I know that our relationship isn't on impulse. I fnot, we wouldn't be able to last for so long. I never imagined we would be this sweet and loving. I didn't talk to you on the first time we met at before we know, we've known each other for 10 months and have been in a relationship for 8 months. All the hardships and obstacles and hurt, we overcame it successfully.
I just hope everything will turn out fine as it always did in the past. Really. I love you so much. But somehow, I just feel that at times, I'm not needed at all. I really want to know, am I really the first place in your heart? Hais. Sometimes, we're really so sweet and loving and so xin fu, but other times, we just seem as though we don't understand each other. You always say I'm your everything, but sometimes, I just feel you have things that you don't tell me and keep to yourself. Hais.
You promised that we wouldn't quarrel again and you'll tell me everything. As expected, it didn't happen. Really. When can we don't quarrel anymore and hurt each other anymore. I'm really sick of it. I want a sweet and loving relationship, not one that makes us always quarrel or make me feel like hitting some sense into you.
AND I LOVE YOU AND WON'T LEAVE YOU, IDIOT! FUCKING TRUST ME!