A New Beginning

Baby laopo, I really love the way we are now. It's as though we have gone back to the way that we were, and the way that we should have been all these while. I promise you, no matter what happens in the future, I will stand by you, protect you and keep you safe. I will never let you get hurt again. I want you to forget all the bad things that happened to you and look forward to a better future with me. It's a new beginning in Life with me. Put down your past, forget totally about it and enjoy Life with me. And in return, I promise I'll stop looking for that bastard for revenge and share everything that's in my thoughts with you, be it happy or sad and love you, care for you and never leave you. You'll be my first, my last, and my one and only. I love you so much, Queeny Koh Xin Wen, and I'm really glad I found you and welcomed you into my life. Muacks.

Never Forgive Never Forget

My dear girl, I'm really happy now that we're back together and happy like the way we used to be. I really love you so much. And I will do anything for you. But well, this time, it's for me as well too.
I'm a nice person. I don't take offence easily. I don't like to make trouble. But there's a limit. Just becos I'm nice doesn't mean ppl can fucking take me for granted. The incident you told me, I will probably remember it for the rest of my Life. I can't sleep. Everytime I close my eyes, I think of it. And if somehow I manage to fall asleep, I get nightmares about it. I start to hate myself for not being able to protect you then, even though we didn't know each other. The messages you sent to me is saved, forever stored in my phone's memory card to remind me. I said before. Whoever hurts you, hurts me too. And I don't take a liking to people who hurt me. Especially this time. He thinks he can fuck with me and get away with it. He's fucking wrong. You know me and what I work as. I swear I will hunt him down and fucking tear him to pieces for what he did. And yes, I will kill him. Everytime I think of what he did, the scene sort of shows up in my mind and I die a little more inside cos I feel so helpless, unable to help and only able to watch. He's had his fun. Now it's payback time. No matter what it takes, I will find him at all costs. Only then can I rest. He went too far this time and crossed the line. Now it doesn't just concern you and him. I've come into the picture. And I'm hurt. Angry. Revengeful. I will not forgive. Neither will I forget.
It's time for revenge.

Change We Can Believe In: SQUARE ONE

Okay, I know we had a couple of misunderstandings in the past and we always fought and quarrelled and ended up making everyone unhappy. So now, I believe it's time for a change. Let's start all over from Square One. Start getting to communicate with each other more. Express thoughts openly. Stop hiding things to yourself and wallow in self pity. Make allowances and concessions for each other. Remember that no one is perfect. I'm certain that under my planning, everything will go smoothly for us. And I'm willing to bet that if within ONE MONTH everything still remains the same as it is now, I'm willing to admit defeat and back out of this relationship and let you go.
And yes, I love you too. XOXO

Enough is enough

Hais....how to say this.......I really dun wan you to leave. You leave already, I don't know how I will continue with Life without you. I really miss you and love you so much. But sometimes, I just feel like killing you. You really uh.....drive me crazy over you. Sometimes, I think you're cute and lovable, and sometimes, I feel that you're damn stupid. Hais....how should I put this across to you......ok. Try to learn to be like me. Put yourself FIRST over everyone else. Stop giving in to people ok. Everytime I want to do things with you, you have to tell me to consider your friend's opinion first and ruin my entire plan. Maybe Brendon was right, you place your friend more important then your boyfriend. But it's okay, I can put up with that. The next thing I know, your friend at work betray you and do all the bad things to you behind your back and you still can put up with her and forget about it. Wa lao eh...really ah. I dunno whether to say you very kind or fucking stupid. I think if its for me, I would probably have made sure she disappear from my world entirely. I tell you how many times already. You be too kind to people is no use. People will only take advantage of you. I know it sounds harsh but its the freaking truth. Kind and honest people can't go far in today's society. Can you try to place me or yourself FIRST over everyone else?  Surely you heard of this saying before right? "Ren bu wei ji, tian zhu di mie." (When people do not look out for themselves, Heaven will expel and Earth will destroy them.) I'm not saying that I don't want you to be nice to others, just know the limits and don't let yourself get taken advantage of okay?
Anyways, back to topic, I know I've been saying this for God knows how many times, and yes, its the same thing all over again, but I'll just be brief. I really don't want you to leave. Honestly. I really love you and need you so much in my life. You are my first, and hopefully my last and my only. Once you leave, I think my Life will be ruined le. Hais. You promised to stop quarrelling with me already. Now we still quarrel. Hais. Really wish that we can be back to those times in the past when the world consisted of you and me. You said you would try. So all along, I've been waiting. Waiting to see if you could make this wish possible. But you can't. So now, it's my turn. Enough is enough. Don't blame me if you don't like what's going to happen. I've been kept waiting too long. It's time to play the game my way. And yes, I guarantee you'll find that I'll be able to bring us back to the way that we used to be in the past.
That is, of course, if you can survive the way I do things...

Happy Chinese New Year from Yang Guo and Gu Gu

GONG XI FA CAI! It's CNY again! Firstly, me and Gu Gu, would like to take this time to wish everyone a happy CNY! Wow, time seems to have flown by quickly, eh? It was just as though I was eating reunion dinner last night to celebrate the CNY of 2009 and before I know it, its 2010. Really, 2009 was a quick and eventful year, especially for me. Anyways, here's my New Year Resolution. Firstly, I shall learn to be a better boyfrn to my dear laopo Queeny and make her happy and feel loved by me. Secondly, I shall put more effort into studies and do my best for the upcoming exams sometime in June. Thirdly, start saving up money for my very long awaited driving lessons that will commence on my b'dae, 20th of May. Fourth, give everyone a big surprise on my b'dae. Oh...fuck this. I shall say it now. On my b'dae, I shall propose to my dearest baby, Queeny. Yes, baby. If you're reading this now, get mentally prepared for that day. Last but not least, I wish for everyone to have a very enjoyable and prosperous new year and of course, may good luck and good health be with you. HUAT AH!

I, Max Loo Yan Ming, take you, Queeny Koh Xin Wen, to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

Note to a stupid, emo girl

"kindbear91@hotmail.com said (1:28 AM):


baby .. i love u so much .. i love today so much .. but i dun wan u to suffer when u be with mi .. so i will let go after two week .. just wan to be with u for another two week than i will let u go .. hais .. sorry let u fall in love wit a girl that treat u bad takecare .."
 
 
If you really love me that much as you say you do, don't leave me. I'm not suffering when I'm with you. In fact, I'm actually feeling very blessed to have found such a nice girlfriend as you. I don't want to end after 2 weeks. You always say you treat me bad, but actually, I'm not that good a boyfriend to you also. My dear, no one is perfect. You say there are other girls better than you and will treat me better than you do, but my dear, did it ever cross your mind that the only girl I ever wanted by my side in Life was you? Everytime you sent me those messages on MSN late at night, I read everything. I resist the temptation to reply cos I don't want to end up getting into a quarrel with you.
When I see the tired look on your face everytime before you start work, I feel sad for you. I don't want you to tire yourself out and overwork. In the first place, why do you even want to work? It's not like you have a lot of things to buy or are in a desperate need for cash. Even if by some unforseen circumstance you are, you can always turn to me. You know I will not hesitate to help you. Listen to me ok. If you find it really very tiring to continue studying and working at the same time, just resign. Let me take care of your every need. I mean it. Or if you insist on working, let me find you another job with less working hours and higher pay. You might say I'm selfish, insisting you on doing whatever I want you to do but the simple matter of fact is, I just want to spend more time with you. Don't give me your nonsense like I deserve other girls who treat me better or that you're not pretty or whatever shit excuse you can come up in your head. I just won't accept it. Go ahead, I know you want to drop your stupid, bo liao "bomb" smses again. I'm waiting. I'll fight you till the end. Call me persistent, stubborn, whatever. I'm just not letting you go, no matter what. In this Life, I will only love you, no other.
Queeny Koh Xin Wen, I DON'T CARE HOW I'M GOING TO DO IT, BUT I'M GOING TO BE WITH YOU!!!!

2 Weeks

Is this really all we have left? 2 weeks? After everything that's been said and done, we only have 2 weeks left? Is it really 'Game Over' this time? Is there really no chance of respawn? Hais.....I love you, baby. Don't go please...How am I supposed to live without you, how am I supposed to carry on, when all that I've been living for is gone? *Sobsob* :(

Everytime

I miss you, my baby. Everytime, I feel miserable when you're not with me. Everytime you send me an sms telling me how you wish I was there with you, I really wish I could go down to wherever you are and be with you. Everytime you say you want to hug me, I want to run down to you and into your arms, hug you and never let you go. Everytime we argue, I feel terrible that I've not done my duty as a good boyfriend. Everytime I'm alone, I try to remember all the times we had, sharing the laughter and the tears. Everytime, you scold me and threaten to leave me, I still hold on, I still dream of the the times when we were one. Everytime I feel blue and emo, I look at the pictures we took and I start to smile. Everytime, I think about you and wonder what you are doing. And everytime, since the day I met you, I have loved you. Life's too short to live without you, where you are is where I wanna be.
I miss you, my baby.

Random Thoughts

My dear Gu Gu, so now that you know everything about me, what do you think of me? Perhaps you never expected this. But I'm doing what I do now in the hope of having a happier, better future together with you.
Yes, I'm not rich. I stay in a 4 room HBD flat. My dad drives the company's car. I work in jobs that most people would shun. But I have always loved you. Truly, madly, deeply. I always fear that one day you'll leave me to go for someone else. The scar on my neck, its caused by a bottle smashed against my shoulder.
My arm injury, caused by a chair swung at me. I lied to you that I fell down cause I didn't want you to worry. I don't want to see you worry or unhappy. I want to see you smile. Forever.
Yes, I might not be a good person. My dad always said a person has to be upright, honest and kind and help people in need. Yes, that probably was true in the 19th Century. Times have changed. This is the 21st. People aren't as nice as before. The values my dad always practised. Where has it got him to? Nowhere. He's just a partner in a small business that consists of 10 ppl. He has worked tirelessly, endlessly, everyday without fail, and he takes home just enough money to put the family through the month. For my dad, his life consists of work, home, work, home. Nth else. He works hard, but he takes home a meagre sum of money back. His partner, on the other hand, sits there reading comics or plays with the laptop, takes home abt 10k per month. DOING NOTHING! It's bloody not fair. Well, Life isn't fair anyways.
I really pity my dad, yet I can't help thinking that all his principles are stupid and unrealistic. When his business failed in the past, all the people he helped before, all the friends who went out with him every weekend, all disappeared. My dad was left on his own. That was the first time I saw my dad cry, alone at the balcony of our Bukit Timah bungalow while smoking a cigarette. I wanted so much to go up to hug him, (I was only 9, around that time) to tell him not to worry. But I don't know why I didn't. But that night, something changed in me. I learnt that no matter how many friends you have, how many "brothers" who swear they will stand by you through thick and thin, it's all bullshit. When the going gets though, everyone can't wait to run away and leave you to fend for yourself.
It's the same with gangs. All the talk about 'brotherhood', it's just not happening anymore. If anything screws up, everyone runs their own way, eager to save their own skin while leaving you to die. Yes, I know because it happened to me. I got beaten, got smashed with chairs, got kicked, and the 'brothers' who claimed to be there for you no matter what, not one was to be seen. I'm not blaming anyone. I chose this road. I should be prepared for this sort of shit happening to me. But Gu Gu, I don't want you to worry about me. No matter what.
Yes, you may say I'm foolish. You may say I'm moneyminded. You may say I'm evil. Call me whatever you want. I know what I'm doing. You always say I hide from you alot of things, but I don't mean to hide from you. I just don't want you to worry so much. You have enough things on your mind to take care of. You have problems at work, problems at home, everytime you send me smses telling me about the problems you face, I feel so helpless cause I don't know how to help you out without resorting to underhand tatics or violence. Your sms you sent, you said you love me very much, but if you can't take it, you will just leave. I really, at that time wanted to tell you to go if you really wanted to. Even though I love you so much, I really can't stand to see you suffering in pain anymore. Loving you make you suffer so much and put you in so much pain. This isn't called love anymore. It's torture. Hais. Sometimes late at night, I stay up and think about you. Actually, there's not a minute when you're not in my mind but sometimes, I read all your smses, and I feel sad. So much has changed within a few months. Even us. You should have noticed by now. Something is missing from our relationship. We don't seem as sweet as we used to be in the past. I really want to go back to what we used to be in the past. When our world consisted of just you and me. Before everyone else came in. Before everything changed.
I still think about the first time I asked you to be my gf at Marina Bay, and after that we would always hang out at Marina Square, watching movies, playing arcade, and even bowling. Then we would go to buy ice cream to eat and walk to Marina Bay and look as the sun set. Whatever happened to those times? Are they now, just a set of beautiful memories to be remembered or can it still come alive again in the near future? I really don't know. So much has changed. Even you seem to change. I know I have changed. Is it possible, even if it was just for one day, that everything could go back to when we just started...I would gladly give half my life to exchange for that one single day and pray that, by the will of God, that it can last forever.
But no matter what, Queeny Koh Xin Wen, I love you. Always and forever. 1314. 7758.