Today, this post is going to be special. I'm not going to post about how we spent time going out, how we enjoyed each other's company or whatever. Today, it's just going to be a nice, long post to my beloved wifey Queeny Koh. Baby, I'm going to hold you tight and no matter what comes our way, I'm never letting you go.
From the start, let's be honest, I never liked you having the baby. I hated whenever you seemed to give him more attention than me. I got jealous, but you can't blame me. I'm selfish by nature. I wanted you for myself, I never liked sharing. Even your blog post that time about choosing him over me made me sad. And yes, I admit my love did start to get lesser because to me, I never really felt happy anymore after that post. I very much loved the old Queeny and wanted her to come back to life but I know this was impossible. I cried. I hated alot of people for taking the girl I loved away from me and putting someone else in her place. I never planned that my first relationship would be so fucked up and make me undergo so much pain and hurt to the extent that death would be a better option.
But still I loved you. Even though after you had the baby, my feelings to you were more of sympathy than empathy. Yes, things went up and down for us. There were good times and bad times. I still perservered because I loved you. But I never could accept the kid. Than the latest quarrel when I was so adamant about you favouring the kid over me that I wanted to break up. I was serious then, and despite still having feelings for you, I never wanted to be second place and forced myself to be cold towards your pleas. The next day I disappeared and went about walking by myself. For no reason, I dropped by my church and went to look for my pastor to chat over a cup of coffee at the cafe of the church. I told him about the incident and he listened without making any comments. After I was done, he looked at me and asked me, 'So Max, do you love her?'
I replied that I did. And he replied with something that somehow enlightened me.
'If you can't accept her kid, you don't really love her at all. For if you love someone, you accept everything about them. Their good and their bad. The nice and the ugly. You must remember that no one was created perfect because God was so great, He made us imperfect that only through Love could we see the perfections in another's imperfections. That is the meaning of true Love."
And I thought it through. On the way home in the cab, his words kept ringing in my head. And finally, I learnt to see through my own selfishness and foolishness and start to really accept you for the person you are, and not the person you were. And I made up my mind to do the right thing. To give you a family filled with love and warmth. And I would make this happen, because I really do love you.
For you I’d just be there. Someone to talk to, share things with, confide in…someone to ask you how your day was and you’d be comfortable enough to share, without fear of ridicule or disinterest. Someone to cuddle with and share intimate moments with, someone you will always feel safe with. We can play together, laugh together, and cry together. Know when you want to be alone and when you want someone to hold you close. Understand your limits and know where to draw the line. Know your friends and accept them all as my friends. I would trust you and be trustworthy enough for you. You will have no fears with me, live dangerously and make everyday an adventure. Live life and love it, have no regrets. Be alone and never be lonely. Passion kindness, honesty, happiness, sincerity and respect will be everyday words. Hatred, sadness, contempt and hypocrisy will never come about. A million people in the world and I only have eyes for you. Wear your emotions on your sleeves and I will care for them as my own. Give me a smile and I will give you my whole. Be there for me and I’ll be there for you a thousand times over.
I love you baby, I really do. Give me this chance to let you feel loved and give you something you always wished for. A complete family. Welcome me with open arms dear, cos your hubby is back. :)
